I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
