Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
