The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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