I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
