Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize