you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
