i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
