i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
