my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
