Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
