Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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