I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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