the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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