I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
