i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
