Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
