TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
