Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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