My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
