just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
