explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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