It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
