i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize