From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
