I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
