hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
