and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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