Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
