so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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