Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
