I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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