Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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