Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
