Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
