My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
