actually, I'm a sock model
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
