I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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