I love black thongs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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