we have pet lesbian snakes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
