Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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