My first STD was from a foam party
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
