you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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