Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
