The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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