I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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