I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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