That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
