Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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