she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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