I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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