We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
