you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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