So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
