i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
