Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize