New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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