Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
