he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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