sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
