we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
