so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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