I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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