Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
