MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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