waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
