You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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