So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He shit in the fireplace
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