I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
