i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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