I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh god it's open bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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