I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
