I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
