i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
