My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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