I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
