Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
