Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
