Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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