i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fuck appropriateness.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
