just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize